So. A couple of years ago I created this blog then set it to private and left it to die because I am terrified of people reading anything I write. So if you manage to get through this- just pretend you didn’t. To this day, I still won’t make eye contact as an English major if someone asks what I wrote my final paper on.. no matter what grade I achieve. I just stare off and mumble any fancy words I can think of trying to think of excuses better than “I have nervous diarrhea now” to get out of the conversation. The only two people who ever read anything I write are my professors (because they force me to show them) and my husband… because I have no shame in that category anymore. He’s seen me naked and heard me make up songs about cheese at two A.M. as I sneak to the fridge. He can handle my “profound thoughts”. I read back on the two posts from past me and decided while extremely embarrassing and possibly slightly inaccurate as I was in the midst of learning some very needed lessons… I’ll leave the OP’s (original posts yall). So if you wanna see me at 21/22- there ya go.
This is me now at the age of 24: Obviously I have grown up a lot in the last few years.
(And for all you non-believers: I AM TOUCHING IT REGARDLESS OF HOW THE PHOTO LOOKS)
PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH was pretty much a metaphor for my life.
Sometimes, God warns us not to touch things… yet we choose to rub our hands all up in there.
Basically, I am that woman sneaking grapes in the grocery store to see if they are sweet. But just because something taste sweet, doesn’t make it any less dirty. (Dudes those grapes are super nasty before they are washed: especially with all of those Brittanys all up in the bags after peeing and not washing their hands.)
Before you stop and say things like “Brittany you rebel”, “You are ba-ba-ba-ba-bad to the bone”, “You little sneaker!!!’… you know.. all the things normal people say on a day to day basis… for the longest time, I was not even self aware I was a grape thief in day to day life.
I needed to be taught boundaries. (and boy did that happen)
Of course, I am 100 percent certain God tried to bring the lesson in multiple times in my life, but the problem is- I needed to listen.
A lot of pain comes from us being places we shouldn’t be, at hours we shouldn’t be there, with people we shouldn’t be with, saying things we shouldn’t be saying. Words are powerful.
Lack of boundaries hurt my friendships, got me deeper into relationships than I should have been at such a young age, and hurt my family members who needed more tough love than babying. It followed us into the first years of our marriage as I couldn’t fully and effectively show love to my husband if I wasn’t setting proper boundaries with others. And through all of this, it broke my heart. Without boundaries a heart cannot be properly guarded.
Good news is: when you are willing to LISTEN, God is there waiting for you.
Prov. 2:1-5- ” My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.”
While this is a man teaching his son wisdom, I feel it applies as God speaks to us- telling us what he so badly wants us to hear to keep us away from the hurts our decisions can cause.
Well FINALLY after maybe 22 years or so? I decided to start listening…only after touching those grapes with my pee hands again.
I’m talking like dipped my hands in the toilet and rubbed them all up on every grape in that HEB store. I ate like 50 grapes in this situation… metaphorically and literally. At this point I have taken it so far I am not sure the metaphor aspect even makes sense anymore and I am just talking about pee and grapes now.
I feel like God was finally like “OK BRITTANY THIS TIME YOU ARE GONNA HEAR ME”- and holy sack of buttholes am I thankful for that. I am so thankful for His love for me. I am thankful for my loving husband who only pointed me back to God and was so understanding. I am thankful for the friendship that had all the signs of being destroyed but ended up remaining through the healing that comes from beautiful faith in our God and the forgiveness which stems from the roots of it. I fully believe most any other friendship could have led me down the same path I had been taking for so long- hurting everyone involved immensely deeper. Which would have been some BS (Booty Salad). But God used a not so great situation filled with imperfect people (including myself) to teach me one of the most life changing lessons I have ever learned.
It has brought forgiveness within friendships and toward myself for treating others the way I had previously, inward peace when it comes to family matters, taken away stress as I remove myself from situations I should never feel the need to put myself in, and grown a deeper love within our marriage that now thrives instead of being filled with overthought, what if’s, and doubts.
Now that I have said that word a million times, PEACE OUT SUCKAS.
Sike. I am still here B’s.
Seriously. If you are hurting, overly stressed, or just a weird grape groper like me- God is ready to speak to us. He was speaking to me the whole time, even when I wasn’t listening. When I made mistakes and touched things I shouldn’t, He was waiting with open arms ready to show me how to Boldly grow where no Brittany has grown before.
P.S. No matter who you are, I suggest reading Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. It is on audiobook, ebook, or paperback for like 12 bucks on amazon. (Oh how times have changed… I got it for $7) It is a beautiful book recommended to me by one of the most amazing women I have ever met. It has helped me understand people I once was bitter toward and understand my own weaknesses in order to grow in those areas respectively.